Hey kids. Sorry there was no Viral Vision last night; Bill asked me to pick his up and I dropped the ball down at the bottom of a Manhattan. But today there are two! When the sun goes down tonight, you should look up at the sky and count your lucky stars.

Today’s videos come to you courtesy of booze and history, which are pretty much my two favorite things in the whole world. I tried to watch Funny or Die on HBO when it first premiered, but I’ve got no patience for that noise so I quit it after about 10 minutes. During that time though, they did a segment called Drunk History starring Will Ferrell as Abraham Lincoln and Don Cheadle as Crispus Attucks, and it was pretty much the most hilarious thing ever so I decided to see what other installments there have been. What I found were videos of Michael Cera as Alexander Hamilton, Danny McBride as George Washington, and my personal favorite, Jack Black as Ben Franklin. There are two installments of Ben Franklin’s story, the first one being his famous kite flying escapade, and the second documenting how much of a man-whore that dude was. Both are just ripe for the watchin, so get to it! (If you only have time to watch one of them, the second video is beyond hilarious)

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This is the exact reason why I hate YouTube, because you stumble upon creepy shit like this when all you want to do is watch old commercials for Vlassic pickles because the bespectacled stork reminds you of your grandpa. I got pickle surprised alright.

I don’t want to say much about this video. Anything I say will ruin the experience. This comes from Philippines Got Talent. All I will say is: What the hell is happening in the Philippines when this gets called amazing?

Watch.

Tonight’s Viral Vision comes to you courtesy of the letter K, as in the KKK. Without them, this little gem of a video would not have been possible, since they are working so hard to keep the dream of the “race war” alive, god bless their shriveled black hearts. This is a sketch from one of my favorite comedy groups The Whitest Kids U Know, and honestly I don’t think I’ve ever laughed harder than the first time I watched it a few years ago. In it, a dude shows up at his friend’s apartment swinging around a baseball bat, and like a little kid asking his friend to come out and play Cops and Robbers, begs him to come down so they can start the race war they’ve always talked about. My favorite part is when he doesn’t realize that Italians are considered Caucasian, and when his friend tells him they’re the same race he just looks up and says, “but I’m an American!”

Enjoy it, kids, and look out for a belated Fresh Look Friday tomorrow afternoon!

So, there’s a new video from Jim Henson Studios that’s been making the rounds today. It’s pretty cute, but mostly silly. In it, a monster dressed as a bunny sings “Stand By Me” while eating cute little bunnies. It’s pretty bizarre, but reminded me of a Muppet clip I vividly remember from when I was a kid. So much so, that it sent me on a YouTube hunt for proof of its existence because whenever I talk about it, most people don’t remember it. As luck would have it, I found it. The Internet is amazing.

The video is from the original Muppet Show and is a bit where woodland creatures sing Buffalo Springfield’s “For What It’s Worth”. If you don’t know the song by the title, it’s the one with the chorus: “Stop, hey, what’s that sound? Everybody look what’s going down.” The cute possum and deer are hiding from a trio of clueless hunters. Watching it now, as a relatively well-adjusted adult, it seems rather innocuous. There’s an injection of humor that I didn’t remember. As a kid, this segment really upset me.

It probably didn’t help matters that my dad and uncle took me dove hunting with them when I was in the third grade. When I was younger, my dad, uncles, and grandpa went dove hunting all the time. I wanted so badly to go on a trip with them, but I was always too young. But, then, finally, my day came. I was so excited, mostly because I think I got to miss school and also because I didn’t really understand what hunting actually entailed.

We got out there and it was mostly boring, a lot of sitting around. When my dad asked if I wanted to shoot the gun, I freaked out and wouldn’t do it. But that wasn’t even the worst. For those of you who’ve never been hunting, you might not be aware, but rarely does the animal die immediately from your shot. As I kid, I was ignorant to this as well. There’s a pretty gruesome process that takes place in which you have to finish the job.

I remember my dad had hit a bird and ordered me after it. You have to be quick in finding it. Not really sure why, maybe so some other scavenger doesn’t happen upon your kill. Anyway, he told me to go after it and, if it wasn’t dead, to put it out of its misery. I was a bit taken aback, but just hoped the bird would be dead and I wouldn’t have to do anything. So, I scampered off with my walkie-talkie. When I found the poor thing, it was definitely not dead. I walkied my dad and our conversation went something like this:

Me: Dad, it’s not dead. It’s not dead!

Dad: Well, kill it.

Me: How?

Dad: Pick it up and twist its neck. Or find a rock and hit it in the head.

Now, here I pause for a moment, to let the magnitude of the situation sink in. I look down at the poor bird, flapping on the ground. I look at my hands, in terror. I look at the walkie, praying my dad could somehow see my frightened eyes through it.

Me: No.

And with that, I burst in to tears and ran away from the bird and back to the truck, where I’m pretty sure I stayed the rest of the day. My dad didn’t go on many hunting trips after that, but of the ones he did, I certainly wasn’t invited along.

Anyway, watch the video. I’m gonna go eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup and find my happy place.

So it’s my Spring Break and all, and while other, normal 23 year old girls are in Cabo doing tequila body shots and taking their clothes off for random strangers, I am stuck in San Francisco on my 6th straight day of work.  (Though, to be fair, I DID spend last night crying into a beer and watching Rebel Without a Cause, and then fell asleep at 10pm, so….clearly I’m a party animal.) Being that I am currently locked in a hotel lobby waiting patiently for people to come in and bitch at me for making it rain on their vacation, I cannot properly view any videos since there’s no sound on these computers. WHAT DO I DO?! Choose a random video on YouTube and cross my fingers that it’s funny? That would be irresponsible. How about post a clip from an episode of Frasier and completely solidify my fate of being a middle aged divorcee stuck in the body of a 20-something college student? Obviously, this is the right answer.

This video has been making the rounds for a little while now. It is supposed to some elementary school performance of a watered-down Scarface. It’s sort of cute, but mostly weird. Part of me can’t help but feel like this is some hoax and there isn’t really a school somewhere that allowed this.

But! If there was a school, what sort of parent would sit through this and not laugh the entire time? If you actually had to stones to be okay with your child performing in a stage version of Brian De Palma’s drug opus, wouldn’t you also automatically have the sense of humor to laugh along with it? That audience is suspiciously quiet.

So, watch and let me know: hoax or not?

Hello my sweetest nibblets! We missed you all so very much this weekend, but now we are back with the first Viral Vision of this new and glorious week. Up tonight is one of those videos I’ve known about for a few years and like to keep stored in my little lock box of ‘what the balls?’ gifts to bestow upon the unsuspecting public. It’s a music video from LA based band Mynx for their HIT SONG Dollar 99 Wine. Yes, that’s really what it’s called. And yes, it’s just as fantastic as it sounds.

So, I was at a game night a couple of weeks ago, in which my friend Corey introduced me to Leslie Kritzer. Apparently, in New York, she’s pretty popular in the cabaret scene, or something. Anyway, doesn’t matter. She composed this reel as an audition tape for SNL. It’s a little dated, as evidenced by the topic of the 2008 presidential election, but that doesn’t stop it from being funny as hell.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a better Liza impression. I mean, seriously, spot on. And her Riff-Tina character is pretty funny too. Take a look.

Oh, and, enjoy your weekend, nerds. Have a shot or ten for me!

Lately, I’ve been on a big Japanese commercial kick (as if that’s totally normal). There is just something so magically insane about every advertisement that comes out of Japan, one can find hours pass by as they’ve lost themselves in viewing. I set out on a mission to bring you a wacky Japanese commercial today, but I couldn’t decide which one was the best.

So, rather than make a choice, I present two wonderfully bizarre commercials to you, dear friends. Both are for some sort of pasta product that I’m pretty sure I will never eat after watching these ads. I have to wonder just what the hell is going on over in Japan that makes the ideas behind these commercials seem like good ones.

Take a look and tell me, are you as terrifically baffled as I am?